Why can’t the FBI get high?

Chicago’s FBI Office recently tweeted a reminder to those applying for a job with the venerable agency:

Illinois decriminalizes recreational marijuana on Jan. 1, but #DYK federal laws on marijuana aren’t changing? To apply to #FBI, you’ll still need to be marijuana-free for 3 yrs.

The waiting period for applicants appears to affect regular marijuana consumers along with people working in the marijuana industry and anyone taking Schedule 1 restricted drugs. Current FBI agents and staff face risky hurdles should they need to self-medicate with federally forbidden substances. And what’s with the 3 years? Why anabolic steroids for 10 years? Do J. Edgar Hoover’s specter and COINTEL schemes still haunt the hallowed halls of the Washington FBI building named after him?

Hoover refused to recruit long hairs, bearded men, “pot heads” and people he called “pear heads.” If by pear heads J. Edgar was referring to small-minded people and not just individuals with misshapen craniums, then why can’t the FBI be euphoric over mother nature’s herbal-based wonder drugs that lead to mind expansion and even improved mental health? Or will the US face a bleak future of pear heads in the FBI and other federal agencies?

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